The Daily Stoic asks us today to reframe our mindset. Don't see your or others' actions as reflections on anything more than training in life.
"When you catch an elbow or an unfair blow today, shake off the pain and remind yourself: I'm learning. My sparring partner is learning too. This is practice for both of us - that's all..."
I read this while sitting on my bed this morning, eating my buttered toast, and petting Stella. I remember taking a deep breath of centering and understanding. What a much simpler way to look at the world, and what a less drastic way to see it, too.
That comment your coworker makes. The glance from someone at the grocery store after hearing you muttering your list to yourself. The miscommunication with your partner about who is/isn't doing enough of the chores.
You have two choices for how to see these common situations: 1) take the encounter with a high stakes attitude, or 2) see it as a learning exercise.
Which do you think will help you more, both in the moment and in the future? Do you want to learn or do you want to protect your ego?
Far too often, we go about our days trying to give our ego evidence as to why we may be beautiful, smart, funny, thoughtful, caring, kind, clever, or wise. We try to prove ourselves. In doing so, we accidentally build walls around our potential, confining us in cramped boxes.
If you do in fact act outside of your ego - if you just be who you are - you will find yourself surrounded by exactly what you need and want. If you choose learning rather than protecting your ego, you will find the walls built by your ego begin to fall.
You will find exponential growth beyond what you ever thought possible.
Let's look at those common situations from a "training exercise" and "learning" perspective:
The comment your coworker made was potentially their attempt at connecting with you, or maybe they're having a bad day and trying to protect their own ego. Get curious. Ask them how they're doing. Listen. Watch. They're just practicing. So are you.
The glance from the stranger at the grocery store was probably confusion about what this strange person (you) might be saying, and them wondering if they're safe near you. Shoot them a smile to reassure them! Or continue on with your muttering with purpose, so they see you're just doing your thing without concern for anyone else. They're afraid. Not of you, but for themselves. Help them.
Your partner hasn't been doing the dishes as often as you'd like them to. Check in with them. If they seem good as usual, remind them that it feels frustrating when you feel you're pulling more of the weight, and you worry it would become a pattern. You're in this together. Equal partnership. A team. Practice the conversation. You are both learning. You can't start at the finish line.
Let's hear that again: you can't start at the finish line.
Remember this when you embark on anything new or challenging. Or when you've become complacent at your new task and feel coasting is well due - it's not. You can't coast to a finish line, and you definitely don't start there.
Be patient and fresh with yourself. Each encounter is a training exercise. Bow to your partner with grace and move forward with knowledge.